Every couple of days someone posts on Craislist looking for a Junior this or Entry level that but asks for senior management level design, marketing and SEO skills, then they give a really small budget or salary.
Get some laughs below!!
Top Notch Web Developer/Designer Required for Little or No Pay (Toronto)
Date: 2011-02-02, 1:30PM EST
Reply to: job-wg2be-2193607561@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Hey web designer and web developer folks!
- Do you enjoy stressful atmospheres and unreasonably tight deadlines?
- Do you like to work in poor uncomfortable office facilities with under quoted projects, and computer illiterate co-workers?
- If you had the choice between getting paid for hard work, and being able to afford food, would you choose neither?
- Are you willing to work 20 hour days and most weekends to get the job done “as the client sees fit”?
- Do you like it when a client takes your work and dismantles it into boxes with two colors from your beautiful design?
- Would you like to spend “more time than needed as required” on a project without pay?
If you said YES to any of these questions than we are looking for you!
A high-profile, top of the line, major corporation is looking for the smartest web sharp minds to help build its client websites. This multi-billion dollar company is seeking only the best and brightest to sustain its growth and dominate the web. Think of them as the next, Google, Facebook, YouTube, MySpace, Twitter and LinkedIn all rolled into one!
Please read below a list of expert requirements for this once in a lifetime opportunity!
RESPONSIBILITIES:
As an expert web designer and web developer you will be responsible for hard coding custom built CMS platforms, FACEBOOK applications, iPhone and iPad Apps, Apps for Blackberry and Android OS, as well as maintain over 100 websites and perform SEO maintenance on all of them, you will also be responsible for any simple computer problems that we may have (your our new IT guy too!!!), and managing a team of 12 like minded individuals. This role requires dedication and hard work, in this company you will also get us coffee, answer our phones, clean up the office after hours and take out the trash. We might also need you in case of emergency when we don’t know what to do and we need to blame somebody, that will be you!! This job has its perks too!! Some of the perks with working for a multi-million dollar company? We pay every quarter if that! We give you a nice cot to sleep in during your break in the parking garage, and we will not hesitate to keep the cars running so that you can listen to talk radio!
MUST HAVES:
- Degree or Masters in Web Design and Graphic Design
- 30+ years experience in Web Design and Development
- 45 + years of technical expertise in PHP, MySQL, LAMP, ASP, .NET, HTML 5, SEO, PPC, AS3, IIS, CD + DVD
- Own vehicle (or large enough BMW SUV to carpool our entire staff)
- Pirate Software like Adobe CS5, Final Cut Pro, AVID, MS Office 2010 (for our office use only)
- Lots of black sweaters and Starbucks Coffee Cups
- Home Depot Credit Card to help spruce up our office setting.
COMPENSATION:
- Due to our high-profile existence we will give you great reference!
- We will allow you to add our websites to your portfolio!
- We have access to one coffee machine!
- We will tell you that you are doing a good job!
- After a 6 month trial period we will pay $10.00/hr with possibility of raise after 10 years.
- We have full benefits after 6 months (the accountant is a pseudo dentist, and our secretary took nursing in school)
If you think you have what it takes to work with an exciting multi-million dollar company with the potential of earning hundreds of dollars, GIVE US A CALL OR SHOOT US AN EMAIL!!!
Here is our contact info: 666 Heaven Street Toronto, ON M5V 4A7 Phone: 1-866-SUCKER Fax: 416-567-8900 Email: info@hopelesscareers.com
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